Welcome to my page!
My name is Dippin' and I am learning how to make my own website here on Neocities.
I am a 28 year old man with no job and no girlfriend... ;v;
My dream used to be making video games I guess... But now I think I would just rather have a family...
If you need a friend, I am on Steam!
I am always wary of steam bot scammers, so don't be discouraged if I take a moment before I can accept your friend request!
Next I should be working on making my page prettier...Yeah...
Second Page Testing, it works now!
It's been another whole month of no updates from me. October has started, the leaves are off the trees. Winter is coming soon, but we won't mention that yet.
I feel off lately. Work-wise I am doing swimmingly. Haven't had a sick day yet, and I always show up to work in good time. I work hard and I get paid. Decently I guess. Work is fun actually. I get to lift heavy objects and stack them with my strong arms for money. That's not bad, really. If anything, it's keeping my physical health in tip top shape.
It's the mental health that I have been struggling with again though.
I think...
It's all starting to feel meanlingless. Like I lost, and there is no retry.
Games were really just my life for all of it, and I don't know if I even enjoy them anymore. Like, who cares if you're a good gamer anyways? I don't think there's any glory to that. Maybe I thought there was some when I was younger, but I don't think games are very cool anymore.
There's only a couple of games I find to have had any real positive impact on me. I could count them on one hand.
So here I now sit. I want to make a game, to prove to myself that there is still value in the art of creation, but I don't have the strength to go on anymore. I lost.
I have no friends. I have gamer and internet buddies, but none that I feel anything for when I think about them. My chances of getting myself any form of a decent life is gone. I ruined it. It cannot be undone. I wasted all my years chasing ghosts on the internet. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't like anything anymore. I think I will leave.
It's been a while! June and July have passed, and we are now tuning in to the middle of August. It's rather crazy how time flies when you have something to do.
So... Where have I been? Well, I have been to Japan in June. I don't know how much I enjoyed that. Most of my memories at this point relating to that trip was me in a hotel room drinking. To be honest, I wasn't ready to go to the other side of our one planet mentally. If I had gone today though, maybe things would've been different. Maybe...
In July, I really got to take a hard look at myself alone, sort of. I wasn't shut in or anything, but I was certainly on a solo type of quest to say. I won't lie, I am a nerd who sits at my computer doing weird stuff all day every day. Now, I got a job in May as you may (haha) remember? Well, during all of July, one of our best employees decided to take a vacation. A well deserved one, I would never argue against that considering I had a 3-4 week vacation just as I was hired.
We are only 3 people working the storage for a furniture store, and one of them went on vacation for a month. Having to manage the storage as well as doing furniture deliveries meant we had to do a whole lot of overtime. That was a hell of a month. I am not going to sugar coat it. I woke up, went to work, spent my entire day moving big furniture pallets around for 8 hours with only a 30 minute break IF YOU CAN FIND THE TIME. And after those 8 hours of work, you did overtime to make furniture deliveries. 6 days a week. Every week for a month.
So anyways, I went through that.
It was a though month, but I have been through the wringer before! As a tire changer during the seasonal change, when us Northerners have to change to winter tyres. Now that everyone is back, I get some days off.
As for other projects uuh... I haven't been able to work on them much during that month. Now that I am getting more settled into the rythym of how things are supposed to be through the year, I have been dabbling a little more with my work. I can't show anything right now as it's still quite work in progress, but I am very happy with how things are turning out! I think I have finally managed to settle on a gameplay idea that I think will be worth working on! As we get closer to October, I be able to share much of what I have in store for y'all!
So that's about it for this update! I guess this website has worked sort of like a blog or something for me. I had kind of left it sitting while I was busy with so much stuff this summer. A cool guy I know mentioned he read it, and it made me very happy. Happy and kind of embarrassed considering how I forgot to update it for two months (Sorry!). I will keep updating this website more frequently from now on. Anyways, got stuff to do, so see you later!
Yo!
Some things have changed! I now have a job! WOW!!! I wasn't expecting to have one, but hey, that's cool. It's far from an ideal one, but it works. Atleast I have something to do during the days. On another note, I am currently missing a bed... Yeah. I got a new one from Ikea, so I threw the old one away since it was a really bad bed. Turns out I only got 2 out of the 3 boxes for the new bed. So for now I sleep on the sofa. I am going to try and see if the last box was just forgotten at the delivery area tomorrow. If so then I can make my bed the same day. Fingers crossed.
Game development wise, I haven't really gotten anywhere... I mean, I have been doing bits and pieces when I can, but looking at it from a distance, it's pretty much come to a stand-still. I haven't given up on it though! But it needs to take a backseat while I earn some coins for my pouch.
The reason I need the extra money is because I am trying to get a hold of the upcoming Steam Hardware. I really REALLY want to get the Steam Machine and the Steam Frame. It seems like a great pair of products that go nicely together, so I am keeping my finger on the pulse for any news about it. Living in Norway makes aquiring them rather difficult, but I am certain I can get them if I try. It's just that because of the long waiting time since the announcement, my patience is running thin. With the RAMpocalypse still in full swing aswell, the supply seems tragically small as well. I am afraid my chances to buy the hardware will be thwarted by the "Out of Stock" before I get the chance.
So that's about it for this update. I will do my best to keep you updated as things progress, but for now I just need to go to bed. I got work tomorrow...
Heya!
I am now officially forklift certified! It took a little longer than I anticipated, but I finally managed to get my certificate for T1, T2 and T4 forklifts! While I am still missing T3, those are apparently very rarely utilized in the general logistics jobs that I am targeting. I would've loved to have it, but oh well. Maybe another time?
Speaking of jobs, I heard a nerd store is opening up in my town, and they are looking for employees! Isn't that neato?! I am going to apply for a position there in a couple of days. I would've loved to have worked at a more electronic/computer based position, but I don't have my degree because I gave up on it... ;v; It's not permanently though! I am aiming to pick it up again and finish my schooling. I just need to get better mentally first. I'm going to ask about the possibility of finishing it from home since I don't want to travel all across the country again to do so. As much as I want to finish it, the capital is a scary place...
Anyways, I am still working on some video game stuff, but other things always have to take priority over it. Ugh... I hate adult life. It's very tedious and unfun.
That's it for me right now though! I have to go to bed since I have a job interview tomorrow! See you soon!
Hello!
It's been another week! I haven't done too much this week other than try to wake up in the morning, as well as trying to go to bed in the evening. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do when the last few years of your life has been running mostly on autopilot, hehe...
I don't have too much to say for this update other than I am generally feeling ok. I don't know if I am feeling better or worse yet. This lack of feeling anything has become quite a norm for me. Happy feelings are mostly superficial to me, and the only real feeling I can remember right now is some sort of chest emotional pains. I think that there's hope at the end of the tunnel though! I have some cool things I want to show in the future, but for now it will have to gestate for another week (oooh exciting I know).
Anyways! Just wanted to write an update here again to make sure that I can get some sort of ball rolling lolololol
P.S. I have made some changes to the way the website is structured. I wanted the text to be more middle aligned without all the different lines making their own starting point. Cool huh? I haven't checked it out on phone yet, so it might actually not be very cool when you see it...
Hello!
Alot has happened in the span of the week. I am feeling better for one.
I spent about a week in my isolation, trying to think about what has been wrong with me
Some of you friends reconnected with me pretty quickly, which I appreciate a ton.
It really made me happy. Like my negative thoughts were being proved wrong (Which I was hoping deep down)
To those who might have only entered the site after I got back online:
I didn't choose anyone specifically to disconnect from. It was a blanket slate wipe
My mind had an overspill of so many things that I cracked, and shattered.
It's sadly a thing that has happened many times in my life. I am not the happiest person. Far from it.
I won't bore you with all the details right now, because I have a lot of self improvement to do
For now, I'll just say that I am in recovery still, but doing better, in a sense.
I will update you all next week on my recovery. That is all.
Thank you all so much for being so sweet. You're my heroes in life.
Hello again! I don't know if anybody here reads these, but I will write another one up anyways!
I have decided to delete my discord user, and I have wiped my friendslist on Steam...
The reason for this is that I didn't feel like my presence was positive to anybody anymore.
I felt like all I did was bring all of my friends down with my problems.
And if I feel like I am nothing but a negative force around people, then I shouldn't be around them anymore...
So now I sit here in isolation from any social interaction on the internet.
This is clearly a bad thing for me, and so to keep myself somewhat lucid, I have decided to try and update this page a little more often.
This way, I can atleast log my life down somewhere I know others can find it, should I dissappear.
It calms my anxious mind a little knowing that.
If you're one of the people I removed from steam, or you knew me on discord, I apologize.
You have all been such wonderful and understanding people to me, and I let you all down.
I don't expect you to forgive me, as I am still convinced that me being associated with you is bad for both of us.
What I expect you to do is just understand why I had to go.
You were never directly a problem for me, but...
I don't think our friendship was balanced at all.
Worry not though, because I want to get better as a person so I can have a friendship again in the future.
I just don't have the answer to that yet...
So I haven't really done much here, but not because I have lost my spirit when it comes to making my website cooler.
It's actually because I am busy making my own game. It's going OK at the moment, but it still has a long way to go before I can start showing it off